Pleasure Takes Practice
Ever feel like there’s more to sex that you’re not sure how to tap into? Or like it’s not all it’s cracked up to be? Like there’s something you’re missing, that you didn’t get the memo about?
Pssst… You’re not alone.
The movies, media and porn may have you believing that sex is supposed to look this certain, sensationalized way, yet perhaps your sex life doesn’t seem to match up to it…(Hint, it’s actually laughable how short these superficial representations fall of what it CAN be).
We’re made to feel like we’re supposed to know what we’re doing, like we should have it all figured out, and our egos and self-worth can get HEAVILY invested in upholding this image.
But hold on a minute… WHERE THE HELL were we ever supposed to learn all of this?
Surely our prudish sex ed classes teaching abstinence and flashing the most horrid photos possible of STDs (while also instilling immense SHAME around sex and STDs) didn’t teach us about the miraculous potential of our sexual anatomy.
Surely repressive religious programming didn’t teach us how to explore our own bodies and discover our own unique pleasure.
SURELY the porn industry did not teach us how to have pleasurable, connective lovemaking (or even fking, for that matter, ESPECIALLY not for the women).
Maybe you learned something valuable from Cosmopolitan’s “What he’s thinking about you when you’re naked.”
And unless our parents or some other mentor were incredibly comfortable in their own sex lives and had a desire to share that with us…
Most of us have been left in the dark to figure it out on our own. Fumbling, stumbling, navigating through fear, shame, guilt, and lack of guidance and tools of communication… Yet feeling like we are defined by how amazing of a lover we are.
But… REALITY CHECK-- How did we learn ANYTHING? What have we ever been expected to learn instantly without practice and mentorship?
We were taught to walk, talk, read, write, drive, etc, all of which took, time, practice and instruction.
And to top it all off, most of the modern western world lacks any sort of initiations or rites of passage, especially as it pertains to puberty and sexuality—leaving most of us coming into our new adult bodies and awakening sexual energy in utter confusion and often embarrassment, fear, shame, etc.
And while in many ways sex is a deeply intuitive journey, no one came out of the womb a skilled lover.
Sexual energy can feel erratic or elusive, leaving us at a loss for how to work with it. Being able to harness it in a way that allows men to last long enough in bed, or to feel replenished rather than zapped after orgasm, or knowing how to find and work the pleasure spots that create female orgasm, or knowing how to ask for what we want in bed and sync with each other’s rhythms are all things that have to be learned and cultivated.
And these are just the basics. When there is shame, repressive religious programming, or trauma involved, things get even more complicated. Then we have various potential sexual “dysfunctions” (which are very often psychologically-rooted), health issues, and sometimes challenging pairing of body types that have to work a little harder to find where they fit with their lover’s shapes.
And beyond working through the basics and challenges, is the EXPANSION into Tantric, spiritual love making and sacred union.
Pleasure takes practice. Making epic love is a lot easier with mentorship. Merging the sexy and the sacred can blow what you previously thought sex to be completely out of the water.