Episode 3: How Healing Sexuality Will Heal the World

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Hello, beautiful people. Welcome to Nectar: sex and soul. I'm your host Sureya Leonara and I'm a holistic sex and relationship coach. This is a chance for us to get intimate, to reach far into the mystical, magical, tender, inspiring, vital, primordial depths of what it is to be human, what it is to express and inhabit these amazing bodies fully, and what it is to make love to the divine in everything we do. We'll be penetrating deeply into the nectar of what it is to be alive and turned on by life, how to transmute pain and hardship into pleasure and medicine, how to embody the union of polarities, including sex and spirit, and how to love every piece of ourselves wholeheartedly.

This is a space where we don't just talk about the act of sex, but rather how sexual energy permeates every area of our lives as the seed of creation and the source from which we all came. Exploring sexuality in this way, not only takes our sex lives to the next level, but is a catalyst for a life that turns us on each and every moment, not just in the bedroom. Within you stirs a sexual vitality that is capable of so much more than you could possibly imagine.

This is what we explore on Nectar: sex and soul. Thanks for coming to play.

Hello beautiful people. Thank you for joining me on another episode of Nectar: sex and soul. Today I'm really excited to share about how healing our sexuality can heal the world, and how that's connected to my deeper, bigger "why" in terms of why I do this work. I shared with you all in the first episode my personal journey into this work, but this episode, I really want to share the deep, "why" that fuels this work for me, that fuels this passion in the sense of a more collective-oriented mission and purpose.

In college, when I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do, and I was an international affairs major, and I was learning about all of these complex problems happening in the world. The one thing that stood out to me as the thing that I could devote my energy to that would help everyone in the world, was focusing on the health of the planet because it was the one thing that we all shared. So I shifted into an environmental studies major, and went deep down that rabbit hole. Life ended up taking me on a very different journey. In large part, getting sick was a big piece of that as I shared with you in the first episode, and I didn't end up circling back to environmental studies. For a while I wondered what role that whole chapter of diving deep into the realm of environmentalism and activism had been about now that my career was revolving around sexuality and relationship .

Through this journey, I've realized that sexual energy and the planet are so deeply connected, which I'll share more about in this episode. Sexual energy is another thing that all humans share in common. We all arrived here through sex, we're all made of sex.

Even if we were created in vitro, we still were created through the combining of sperm and egg; through that sexual energy.

I've now come to realize that healing our sexuality and healing our planet are very interconnected. Currently our world is very sexually sick and it has been for a long time; shame, fear, repression, and guilt permeate our relationship to sexuality, as we swing somewhere along the pendulum between repressive, puritanical roots and the industries of porn and sex sells.

It's simultaneously hush-hushed and flaunted, stretching us between these extremes that can leave us feeling confused, overwhelmed, lost, and not having a clue to what our authentic expression of sexuality is and what it means to us.

Through the rape of our planets and our women, sex addiction, using sex to substantiate our self-worth and our lack of connection to empowered choice; as to if and when we choose to create life, we've totally lost our way as a species, to our connection, to the sacredness of our sexuality.

Our sexuality lives in our sacral chakra, along with our creativity and emotionality. This is the center from which we are birthed into existence. And it's the center from which we birth anything else into existence. If we are birthing and imprinting much of what we create from our children to our business, to our creative projects, from a place of shame, disconnection, empowerment, and repression around our sacred sexual essence, then what kind of world are we birthing into existence? How do you think we've gotten here? Sex can't be compartmentalized as the act that happens between the sheets, behind closed doors. It is connected to the whole of who we are, and so are the challenges we have around sexuality. They're connected to every piece of our life because sexual energy is the energy we're made of.

It's the seed of creation. Like I said in the last episode, how amazing is this cosmic love story that we are created through sexual pleasure and orgasm? This is how we all got here, it's what we all have in common, and it's the life force that permeates all of creation. It's our vitality, our qi. When we're ashamed of our sexuality, then at the core, we're ashamed of our very own existence.

It's by design that we've been made to feel fear, shame, and guilt around our sexuality for thousands of years.

Now, why is that? If we want to domesticate an animal, what do we do? We castrate them. Animals and slaves for thousands of years have been castrated; have had their connection to their sexual energy severed in order to force them into submission, and diminish their wildness, and their rebellious power. This has happened to women on a large scale, and it's happened to all humans as a means of control because sexual disempowerment renders complacency.

A sexually empowered person is a fucking force to be reckoned with. They're difficult to control. They're in their power. They're connected to that god-self energy. They are embodying their creator energy. The fact that we can create life with that energy is so powerful, and when we are disconnected from that energy, we are disconnected from our greatest source of power and vitality.

I want to debunk this myth that our sexuality is shameful because sex and spirit are two sides of the same coin; they cannot be separated.

When sperm and egg connect during sex, a spirit enters the newly created body and life is created. It's the coming together of sex and spirit that creates life.

So how could sex possibly be anything but sacred? It's the creative life force of all the universe. When sex is disconnected from spirit, then we see things like rape, and asserting power over others, using others to substantiate our worth. A lot of people have their sense of self-worth wrapped up in sexuality and they use sex to try to fill a void.

When sex is disconnected from spirit, then it lacks reverence and meaning, and connection and fulfillment. When spirit is disconnected from sex, then we are repressing our sexuality in the name of spirituality and this repression festers and perversions that come out in weird, twisted ways because sexual energy needs to flow. It's the element of water, and if we don't let it flow, it can stagnate and become this mucky, yucky swamp, or it can boil over. It can be like a kinked hose that finally explodes, and we want it to be like a vital, flowing river.

We see a lot of examples of this, where sexuality is shunned or denied in the name of spirituality. We can practice celibacy in a way that allows our sexual energy to flow, but if we don't have the tools to do that, and it's getting repressed and coming out in these weird perversions, this is where we see things like shamans and priests who pledged celibacy, but then molest people. They've definitely not done the work in that case.

Monks who hide out in caves and never face the intensity of their sexual energy in the presence of a woman have not truly done the work, similarly to how I was talking about in the last episode, where if you just meditate in the mountains, but you can't be around people without being in a reactive state, you're not actually enlightened. Your spiritual awareness is not integrated into the human experience. If you're chasing after these transcendent realms, but you are not able to navigate your sexuality to be in a place of integrity and centeredness with your sexual energy, in a way that it doesn't seep out into weird twisted permutations, then you have not truly done the work.

I've had many male spiritual teachers and coaches come to work with me because they've realized after years of exploring a highly masculine approach to spirituality, they've neglected something they can't escape that's demanding their attention if they're to ever come home to their innate wholeness.

If you're on a spiritual path, but you're not addressing sexuality, you're missing half the puzzle. Attempting to dismiss or transcend matter, the body, the physical plane, density, or sexuality is a denial and a disconnection from the feminine, which has half of your makeup and the makeup of this reality.

This is an old paradigm, patriarchal, feminine-fearing approach that simply does not work. I've seen it time and time again. A tree's branches cannot reach towards the sky without roots that run deep into the fertile body of the mother, nourishing and stabilizing it's being. Denying our humanity is not why we came here to explore in these bodies. Conquering and ravaging the earth is not what has sustained our species for thousands of years. Desire is not the root of all suffering; it perpetuates our species, and in pure alignment with the truth of who we are, it's the forest that propels our evolution. It is not possible to achieve spiritual liberation while avoiding sexuality.

The denial of sexuality is the denial of our very roots that produce the fruits. Our flesh is the vehicle for our awakening. To sever ourselves from it is to denounce the temple that houses our spirit, to live in disconnection from the mother and the source of life.

Sex and spirit are not opponents, but lovers of the same source eternally being born of and becoming one another.

Dismissing sexuality, treating the material as illusion or less than, and the irreverence for the mother is destroying our planet and our ability to see the whole picture. Nurturing the feminine and embracing sexuality are essential to awakening all that you are.

I think it's clear that repressing our sexuality is helping no one. Our sexuality is our super power, our creator self. If we can create life with this sacred essence, what else can we do with it? There's so many areas of life that we can channel this into.

Before I get into that, on the note of creating life with our sexual energy, I just want to say don't be fooled by the myth that we don't have a choice as to when and if we create life without the help of some medical device or contraceptive because we absolutely have the innate, biological intelligence and sovereignty to determine the course of our lives in this way. And this is something I'm going to be talking about a lot on this podcast. I'm going to have some episodes coming up in the near future as to how we can naturally be at choice as to when, and if we create life. Harnessing our sexual energy not only empowers us, but it boosts our immunity, vitality, creativity, our radiance, our confidence, and it truly ripples out into every area of our lives.

I've had a hard time defining what I do into a job title because even though I call it holistic sex and relationship coaching, my work expands into every little nook and cranny of life. There's a big focus on sex and relationship, but sometimes it doesn't seem like we're talking about that at all. But it's all so interconnected because sex is the seed of creation and it's woven into all of existence, anything that we work on in the realm of our sexuality is going to touch the other areas of our lives, our relationships, our money, our creativity, and the other areas of our lives are going to affect how we express our sexuality. It's very much a two-way street. It's an infinite web touching all areas of our life.

I see relationship not just as romantic relationship, but I see it as starting with the self. Relationship starts with self and branches out from there. A big piece of my work is helping people to cultivate a healthy, fulfilling relationship with themselves and with their sexual energy. And from there, that affects all of their other relationships and every piece of their life in such profound ways that they often don't expect.

One of my deepest desires is for everyone on this planet to awaken to the sacredness, the potency, the beauty, the power of their sexual energy; and to harness that and channel it into everything they do, to spread love, and creativity, and inspiration in the world. To birth everything they do from this place of integrated, loving relationship with themselves and with their sexuality.

I am working towards creating a world where children are raised knowing that their sexuality is sacred; where it's not hidden or shamed, and they're not having to reprogram a lifetime of conditioning and trauma, but they're deeply embodying the dance between sex and spirit and passing that on through the generations.

We live in a world where people are more comfortable with their children being exposed to violence through video games and movies than they are their children being exposed to sex, and tons of kids are exposed to sex in a way that does not support the understanding of their sexuality as sacred. The average age in this country for a young boy seeing hardcore porn is 10 and that's usually not a very empowering initiation into their sexuality.

So often sexuality is shamed, or hush- hush, or ignored, and kids are left to fumble in the dark around how to relate to this potent vital energy that starts moving through them. This carries into adulthood with people not knowing how to have fulfilling, nourishing, sexual relationships.

What if we weren't afraid of our kids hearing us make love. After all, that's where they came from; that's how they got here; that is the seed of their creation; that is why they exist. So many couples let their sex lives go down the drain when they have kids and one of their hugest things that hits the brake on their turn on is that the kids are home and they're worried the kids are going to hear them have sex.

If that's the case for you, take a moment to question where did you inherit that fear and that concern from the idea that it's this horrible thing for your kids to hear you having sex, but that it's okay for them to see violence on TV?

That's not a belief that you came into this world having, it's a belief that you've learned from your family, your culture, society. Love-making is beautiful.

We need to normalize lovemaking in the same way that we've normalized violence. Why would we not normalize lovemaking? They're both two sides of the spectrum that exists on this planet, and bringing our focus and our awareness to lovemaking can help balance all of that awareness that's on violence and it can infuse our children with a positive perspective on sex.

This is one of the most important times to be cultivating deep intimacy with our own sexual power; that primordial life force that we are made out of that is pulsing through us in every moment. This is one of the most important times to fully come home into ourselves, to hone the infinite capabilities of our original essence; of our creative divinity. Tantric intimacy is about making love with every part of life, inviting that energy into our awareness because it's already present in every area of life, letting ourselves be turned on by being alive.

When we restore our connection to our sexuality, it's one of loving reverence, respect, and empowerment, we will birth a whole new world into being. By healing the seed of our creation, we heal the fruits of our creation. I really hope that this stirred something potent within you today. I encourage you to give yourself some time to just breathe and marinate in this transmission; to allow yourself to breathe into your body and your sexual energy right here, right now. Again, feeling into this sexual energy beyond the act of sex, beyond your genitals, but letting that vitality flow through the whole body; letting the breath be sensual and enlivening, and finding the pleasure that is present in this body. Even if there is pain, stagnancy, stiffness, can you find the pleasure of being alive; of being connected to that life force energy that is pulsing through you in this moment, that has been pulsing through you since the moment of your conception, and that will pulse through you till the moment you take your last breath and leave this body. Let's just take a couple of deep breaths into that.

Just savoring.

Take some time today to reflect on what beliefs and stories you have about your sexuality that are holding you back from living your fullest expression of life.

Feel into some ways that you can nurture and enliven that vitality that's moving through you, freeing it from any parts where it's grown stagnant or stuck in your body, and dreaming of how you can start channeling this vitality into every area of your life. And then bring that forth into action. I promise it will change your whole world.

If you love this and you want to go deeper please continue tuning in with me. I have so much to share with you. This is just the beginning. It has been such a pleasure to connect with you all today.

Thank you so much for offering your time and energy into this space, to these topics that are so important. They are truly my deepest passion and purpose and it is such an honor to share them with you. Thank you for your open mind, your hearts, and your receptivity. I hope you have a lovely day. I'll see you next time. Ciao.

Thank you so much for dropping into Nectar:, sex and soul with me today, it's been a pleasure to connect with you. If this episode lit you up or illuminated something impactful for you in some way, I invite you to subscribe and leave a review and share it with someone you feel would love to hear it.

To learn more about my workcheck out sureyaleonara.com, sign up for my newsletter, and follow me on Instagram and YouTube where I share tons of free content, special offers, and ensure you're the first to know about my new offerings. I offer private coaching as well as courses, workshops, and retreats so be sure to stay in touch if you'd like to go deeper together.

Thank you loves. Have a gorgeous day. Ciao.